On the road again... soon enough

I started this blog and decided to name it "musing on the road: here, there, and everywhere" right before I left France the summer of 2008. France was the official start of my traveling curse, which I was more than grateful to embrace. A couple of short trips, one to the Balearic islands, the other to Algeria, and at the end of my time in France, I knew that I didn't want to come back to the U.S. right away. I ended up in India. And after that, punctuated with semesters back in school were months in Peru, Mexico, and Cuba. I went as far as my time and finance would permit. The finale was 2 beautiful years in Hawaii. I was there for school so technically I can't call it traveling. But the islands are so beautiful I just have to brag about them.

I always thought that once i got back home i'd not be able to travel much again, that i'd have to settle down so to speak.

My prediction seemed to come true when i moved back. 4 months locked down in Hanoi. But now with this new job, half of my work time is on the road, here, there, and everywhere (but all within Vietnam of course). I think it'd suit me just fine. I'm excited to see parts of the country that I'm not at all familiar with. I'm excited that i don't work 9-5; i don't even have an office to work in for that matter. What more could a undisciplined soul ask for? I could already see a host of my friends nodding: Yeah you'd totally do something like that. I guess i'm just that predictable, people!

Tomorrow, the journey starts again. I'm nervous, almost like the first time I stepped out on the road, arm out thumb up, having absolutely no idea what was gonna happen. It might seem funny to people but I feel less safe in my own country than in other places (and yes, I traveled by myself to very conservative regions in Algeria and India). I'm Vietnamese, and have to play by the Vietnamese rules. Much less leeway than when I'm abroad and can fake ignorance to do what pleases me.

In a week, I'll know if I like the aftertaste.

Culture shock

None so far. I've been here in D.F. for a week, and everything is going fine. Have not had any intense experience or frustrating moment. It's probably because I spend half of my day at the office, and when I come home, I was either looking for an apartment, or after I've moved, I just spend a lot of time in my room. The other reason is that my Spanish is actually functional, not like when I first came to France, India, or Peru and was totally overwhelmed. Knowing the language helps tremendously. But seriously, just walking around on the street, it hasn't been as bad as some people have warned me. I get some looks, but people don't call me names or give me catcalls that often.

I got a great room in a super nice - though a lil too bourgeois - neighborhood called Condesa. It's supposed to be one of the safest parts in towns, lots of foreigners, lots of restaurants and bars. I was walking back home yesterday (Friday) around 10 and it was happening. I've been tempted to go around and look for a job working at one of these bars. But I have curfew at 11, so that wouldn't work. The hour's the only drawback of the room I'm renting. I'm paying 2500 pesos ($200) for an all-furnished room, all services included. It's a sweet deal; most people pay 3500-4000 or more, and I've not met anyone who's paying less than 3000 pesos, so I'm pretty happy. My landlady doesn't usually rent out this room, which was her daughter's. I'm actually her first tenant. She has a friend who has an account on compartodepa who saw my profile and told her to rent it out to me. It's a little strange, but it works for me. She's very grandmotherly. I has been sick, and just now she knocked on the door, asking if she could bring me some tea. I went down to the kitchen with her, and she made hot water for me, and then pulling out honey and lemon for my tea. She's also very "miedosa" (fearful) and whenever I go out, she would ask me where I am going, how I am going, saying how dangerous it is and tell me to be careful at least 5 times and then end with "Que Dios te cuide, hija" (May God protect you).

The only thing that is not so well is that I'm still sick. I got a cold right before I left San Franciso, and usually I would cover within 2 days, but it's been a week. I'm not coughing as much, but my nose's really bothering me. For the first few days, I slept little, waking up during the night because my nose got so stuffy that I couldn't breath. Now, I sleep extremely well (on an orthopedic bed), but for the whole day, my nose is so runny that I have to blow it every 10 minutes or so. And lately, there has been blood. I googled and found that it was nothing serious. Either I've blown my nose so much that I broke some nose vessels or because the weather's too dry. I'm not worried, but it's annoying. I know so many ways to cure a sore throat, like gurgling with salt water, drinking tea with honey and lemon, eating ginger, but none for curing a stuffy or runny nose. Arghh....

a resting (lazy) week

every day:
I sleep 9 hours, sometimes more,
I read about 7 hours - I finished Harry Potter 5, 6, and 7 in four days and a half,
I feast on Vietnamese food every lunch and dinner - that's more than all the Vietnamese food I'd had in 3.5 years at Wesleyan.

I'm still here at Trang's uncle's waiting to hear about my Mexican visa. The consulate's giving me hard times. They refused to give me a tourist visa and wanted to give me a work one instead, which would take one to five weeks to process. I'm supposed to start work next Tuesday and should have been in Mexico City by now. What's more, Educ___USA, the organization I'm interning for in Mexico, might not even be authorized to pay foreigners.
Not at all sure what to do. I would love to leave Oakland. I'm not doing anything here, and I feel like I'm already overstaying and can't freeload for much longer. I'm a little tempted to give up this whole Mexico thing, withdraw my visa application, take out my passport and go somewhere, anywhere. But I'm still clinging to the little hope inside me - I've already done so much to try to make this happen, including getting a new passport in one day - maybe with just one last push, this will go through and I'll make it to Mexico, though a little late.

Las Vegas

My old friend, Duong, came to pick me up at the San Diego airport on the 31st. Duong was, and still is in my group of close friends from middle school. We hadn't seen each other for 4.5 years, since I left for college the summer of 2005 - how time flies. We left almost immediately with two more friends of hers. Direction: Las Vegas. So was *everyone* else. It took us 8 hours, instead of the usual 4. The traffic was absolutely insane - it was at times as bad as sitting in a cab in Times Square - it drives you nuts 'cause you are *not* going anywhere, and it seems like it'd be 5 times faster walking.


Back




Front




The line




We, fortunately, made it to Vegas safe and sound. Unlike these guys - and many others - who were pouring gallons of water into their overheated engine.




(btw, going back on the 2nd was just as bad)



Have never seen a more artificial city where you can let yourself be so superficial. It was the same almost everywhere, casino after casino, mall after mall - a show of repetition and imitation. All the casinos/hotels have names like Paris, Venetian, New York, Egypt, etc. And I don't want to pass judgment, but I saw some of the saddest people there. What's so fun about sitting for hours in front of a machine and mechanically pressing one button every two seconds with your fingers?




That said, it was a hell lot of fun for New Year's Eve. We did not go to any fancy clubs. We were just outside rubbing our arms with thousands of people, counting down to the new year, to the new decade. Each hotel had its own fireworks, so we kept turning left and right to catch the show. For me, that's what new year's eve's about: lights, sound, people, the more the merrier.

2 weeks

till I leave Wesleyan...
A month ago, I was frantically sending out dozens of applications to all jobs, fellowships, internships listed. But now, I just feel numb. This is undoubtedly a turning point - I won't have a place to go back to and pretend that I have a plan, read graduation, any more - but I feel like I can register the significance only after I've stepped out.

I also need to buy a new suitcase and start dealing with all the craps I've accumulated, for real this time.

On a brighter note, I booked my tickets to Chicago and to San Diego, still undecided whether to fly or to take the train to San Francisco. Can't wait to see friends and the west coast.

moral dilemma... and one more example of why financial independence is important

my opinion of S. is, uhm, free falling, after talking with Vishal yesterday. He didn't prompt me or anything. I'd already had my doubts and he confirmed it. Not that they're doing evil work, on the contrary. But i don't think it's efficient, and most important, the man who's running it is, i don't know, i don't have the word. and to be honest, i don't have any firm ground for judgment, i barely know what's going on, and to me personally, there's nothing i can complain about. but it's my hunch. and i feel bad trying to pimp it up and fundraise for it. It's like deceiving people, not out of their money, just that i'm doing something that i don't totally believe it, if that makes sense.
and i cannot quit, well, technically yes, i can, but they cover my food and housing for me, so that's my moral (and financial) dilemma, cause if i quit and found some organization more worthy of my service, i'd have to pay out of my pocket for the rest two months.

always into the future. never stops researching for next year's internship
sometimes just want to really be here in this moment
by the way, i'm not looking into opp. in Israel/palestine. but i guess, somehow, i'll make it there. if you really want something to happen, you'll make it happen, so doesn't matter if you defer it right now, as long as you don't lose sight of it. at least that's what i tell myself.

a week in the life

I thought i wasn't spending much time outside. That was true. But going out was definitely not the best idea. I was exhausted for most of the week. Part of it was the yoga. Talk about 1 hour of yoga every morning, then another half an hour of biking to office, biking back at 8 p.m., going out till 11 p.m., ok, not at all that late, but 7 1/2 or 8 hours of sleep was not enough.
Did a bunch of cool things though. Saw Darpana's opening season show. The show was just fine, but all the dancers were beautiful. Went to St. Xavier's to see a documentary on religions, which was just ok. Met up with Anna to go to this cafe/shop, the fair price, co-op type. It was nice and all but i'm not into, a.k.a. cynical about that kind of place, though i can't really explain why.

Sunday, worked half-day in the office. Then was taken to see this well, yes, a well to store water. I wasn't too excited about the plan at first, but it turned out to be a masterpiece. Too bad i don't have the photos yet. Met some cool guys, not sure if we'll cross each other again. But one of them falls into the category of guys that i have history with: short, foreigner (this is relative), not staying here for long, not exactly in my field (as if i had one), and white. But can tell Anna and i have some similar tastes or intuitions lol.
Anyway, she's an all-around nice girl, that's definitely an underestimation, but i can't really find the word. Trying to think who she reminds me of.

Just talked with Sarah and got the slides she prepared on my behalf for the Freeman dinner. It was the sweetest thing ever. On one of them, i was so fucking high (as in HIGH) on Foss Hill but i guess no one'd be able to guess. And that was some wicked photoshop she did on this photo. Just Love It. I'm supposed to be shopping and bargaining at a bazaar lol.

it could have been so much easier to stay home with my parents, to let them care for me, to go out with friends every weekend, to take things as they appear and as they come, to pretend that there's nothing to worry about, to see only few things in front of me and nothing behind or beyond.

ego

I say that if you care about me, you'd understand, please don't worry about me, let me do what i want. But maybe i'm just selfish, doing whatever that springs up in my mind without sparing a thought for others.

I say that i'm bad at keeping in touch, but i still treasure whatever we have between/among us. I'd like to think that i'm being present where i am, but maybe i'm just selfish and only reach out to people when i need them.

I say that i don't have a boyfriend, cause i move around too often, and cause i'm incapable of spending my whole time with someone, that it'd suffocate me. But maybe, i'm just really selfish and don't know how to curve my ego, to know how to take a step back to accommodate someone. They say all relationship must have some kind of compromise. Maybe.

extremely negative:
tired of and from work
impatient to hear back from Daina and to move in the new place
dreadful to spend the whole evening (Sat.) at J's house
and to avoid that tomorrow, will have to go somewhere
though don't really have any place, or anyone to see
lonely

I don't think i'd ever keep bird and fish. The other day, i was watching the fish tank and saw this fish that kept pushing itself to the glass. Of course it's impossible to know if it wanted to break out or if it was simply amusing itself. Still, even if some of them get used to their idle simple life, some others must get so bored and depressed.

why internship is great

4th day in A'bad and 3rd day in the office and a few important things that I realized some time before are reinforced:

- sitting at one place makes me feel restless, gluing my eyes to the computer exhausts me physically and mentally (wonder how computer engineers can cope with that exhaustion). Pacing around the office space is not enough to unleash my energy. I don't think I'd be able to content myself with a 9-5 office job.

- i CANNOT stay with someone 24/7, unless said person gives me some reasonable personal space, i.e. doesn't require me to communicate and to be present with him all the time, i can choose when i want to talk or listen.

- i don't really talk about what i've accomplished, or for that matter, merely what i've done in my life, to people that i don't know well. Yes, i can chit chat and drop in some details from time to time to build up the rapport and confidence, but no more. And I welcome people to confide in me, it makes for easy conversation, and I do think of myself as a sympathetic (and sometimes even empathetic) listener, but no more than that! Incessant talking kills all the fun in verbal exchange, especially when i'm NOT asking any questions. It tires and bores me. And if it revolves mainly around personal achievements, it breeds nothing but the reverse effect on me because I've grown more and more allergic/aversed to anything akin to a personality cult.

- i need a supporting work environment, which fortunately i'm having, and which includes: friendly coworkers, and supervisors who guide, not dictate or impose on me.

- diversity in my activities is one of my existential needs; i have to split myself up; i am simply not able to get consumed in one single thing

- pros and cons of working with people whose mother tongue I don't understand (will expand on this regarding traveling): people's amusement with me trying to learn a few Hindi phrases, their eagerness (and mine) to overcome our different accents, etc. The other side of it is that it's unlikely that i'll develop any deep relationship with my coworkers, with language being such an essential part in the way i communicate with the world. I don't really know what's going on in the office, the dynamics, the talk, the argument and conflict (if they do exist) and how they're resolved. I'd want to learn not only professional, but also relationship skills. For that reason, I'm distancing myself from the search of an internship next summer in some place like Japan. My Japanese has degraded rapidly, in an out of control manner and it'd take a lot of time to rebuff it.

on est tous en visite

(intérieur. table de salle à manger. Alphonse et sa femme)


femme: tu manges avec ton manteau ? on dirait que t'es en visite !
Alphonse: on est tous en visite ! on débarque on fait un peu de tourisme et puis on repart , tu crois sincèrement que ça vaut la peine d'enlever son manteau? pour attraper la crève? prématurément?

Buffet Froid - Bertrand Blier (1979)