I haven't posted here for so long. Countless reasons, including:

• i went to Mumbai where i got my visa. After Mumbai, i spent most of the rest of my time in India traveling, except for a few days in Ahm' where i was busy packing, saying bye to people, etc.
  
• my Chirstmas/farewell gift from my roommate and her family was a dairy. So i had two beautiful journal notebooks (the other one is from Anna) and no reason for not using them.
• it was easier to write journal than blog when i was traveling. Internet was expensive and unreliable.
  
• once i'm back to school, i barely have time. I barely keep my journal any more, but will try to post more regularly here.

Some updates:

• THE big thing: my parents might adopt. The kid's parents passed away, but he still has 2 or 3 aunts and uncles and they haven't made up their mind yet. We don't know if they want to have someone adopt the kid or not, and if yes, whom they're gonna pick. If things go through, i'll have a brother, sort of weird 'cause i've been the younger child for already 20 years.
  
• my senior essay is going nowhere, but i've been reading a lot on Vietnam which makes me really want to go back this summer (unlike the last one), but the chance of me getting enough money to fly home is kinda slim
• so i've been thinking about going Peru. Peru because, just because. I want to pick up some Spanish, and it's fucking cheap to go there - $400 for a round trip, and i figure i can find work at hostels in exchange for room and board while hanging out there.
  
• and maybe Montreal too. Ysa was here a month ago, it was great, and she's coming down again soon and we'll spend a wk in NYC. She'll be in Montreal for the whole summer, which gets me thinking maybe i should go visit her.
• i missed the winter so much when i was in India. Now i'm absolutely sick of it, just want the spring to come, and get myself out of new england.
  

guilt ridden

I feel guilty about being away, leaving my parents by themselves at home. They don't need anything from me, they just need my presence.

I feel guilty about staying and traveling in this "unsafe" country. My parents get worried too much and too often.

I feel guilty about not telling them all and exactly what i do when i travel, about always toning things down so that my parents can accept them more easily.

I feel guilty 'cause despite all this feeling, i still cannot stop.

i cried on the plane, not because i was homesick or anything, but i just felt bad for my parents.
...
arrived in Kolkata
and it doesn't take long to shine on me again why i love going abroad so much. the people, the food, histories and stories.

s'inquieter

Ahmedabad in shock after blasts

This is the city i'm going to for next semester. The organization i'll be working for focus their effort exactly on this kind of problem: the tension between the hindu and the muslim communities. Yes, i'm fascinated by their work and that's why i chose to work for them. But, to be honest, i'm scared, not sure if i'll be able to deal with all the complexity of the situation, and also for my own security. Except that i'm not saying any of these things to my parents lest they be worried.
That's how it is in my family. We deal with problems by ourselves because we don't want to trouble others. My parents try to encourage my sister and me to confide in them and consult with them, especially since we're away most of the time, but they always do exactly the opposite. This has been going on for so long that now i've ended up with this habit: either i don't talk about the problem, or i'd make it lighter and put on a bold front. This helps in another way since my parents don't seem to understand that i can be happy with my choice and be worried about what it might lead to at the same time. Like, i've been really stressed out about finding a job in Vietnam after i graduate. Let's face it, a degree in sociology doesn't mean much here. And all the NGO jobs i've been checking out requires years and years of experience which i don't have. I'm not at all confident that i'll be able to live out my idealistic life. My parents don't need to know this: they've always talked about why i should regret not majoring in something like economics. No, mom and dad.

On a different note, kinda related to the first news:
Israeli force kill two Palestinians on the West Bank city of Nablus; Islamic Jihad threatens retaliation
I almost stayed there as well, at An-Najah university where they had the camp. I don't think this even made to the headlines, a trite story probably.

summer vacation

eat, sleep
go out for a drink with friends
run errands with mom sometimes
go out with mom and dad from time to time
argue with them
get sour with them
take care of housework from time to time
and for the rest, let them wait on me
surf net
couldn't be more well-behaved and productive

middle class guilt pt. 2

Summer thunderstorm, the kind that you'd have to bend you back under its weight, heaven and earth white washed into one.
Inside:
Dad: And they still have to load the tailings under this rain and wind.
Mom: Yet they would never fall sick, unbelievable, while we who stay inside all the time would end up coughing non-stop.
Me:...
took out the camera, and didn't dare to use the flash and ended up with this.

family anecdotes

anecdote #1
The 2 granddaughters of my host mom came over for a few days during their school vacation. At the end of their stay, my host mom had to take them to their other grandmother's. I asked her if it was far and she replied it wasn't, it was in Grenoble.
Thought to myself: and they never pay visit to each other (or do they and I'm not aware?)

anecdote #2
asked Aurélie if she went home often. She wanted to clarify what I meant by often because from the point of view of a French, yes, but from that of an Italian, no.
I turned to Cristiano: so by Italian standard, do you go home often? - No, but for me that's enough. From Milan it takes about 3 hours by car and I go home once every couple of months or so. But I have friends who come home every weekend, that's the Italian way.

anecdote #3
if asked where's my native place [quê], i'd say Nam Dinh because that's where my grandfather was born and brought up, even though i don't even go there every year, and i've stayed overnight there only ONCE my whole life, and because it was a trip with Hoa.

anecdote #4
A little bit more than a month ago, my parents went to Thanh Hoa for the death anniversary of Ngo Ro, the grandfather of the founding father of my dad's village in Nam Dinh. It's said that during the war, for fear that the bomb would destroy all the seals and tablets of Ngo Tu (son of Ngo Ro and father of the village founder), the people in Thanh Hoa had to borrow a car to carry everything to Nam Dinh. After seven, eight hundred years and tens of generations (each of them had probably at least ten children), they could still keep track of all the family annals and know for sure where everyone was. That takes a lot of talents.

"what to write"

i love my daughters Ly and Thuy

i love you and our daughters a lot

dad's hands calcify and he has to practice writing.