moral dilemma... and one more example of why financial independence is important

my opinion of S. is, uhm, free falling, after talking with Vishal yesterday. He didn't prompt me or anything. I'd already had my doubts and he confirmed it. Not that they're doing evil work, on the contrary. But i don't think it's efficient, and most important, the man who's running it is, i don't know, i don't have the word. and to be honest, i don't have any firm ground for judgment, i barely know what's going on, and to me personally, there's nothing i can complain about. but it's my hunch. and i feel bad trying to pimp it up and fundraise for it. It's like deceiving people, not out of their money, just that i'm doing something that i don't totally believe it, if that makes sense.
and i cannot quit, well, technically yes, i can, but they cover my food and housing for me, so that's my moral (and financial) dilemma, cause if i quit and found some organization more worthy of my service, i'd have to pay out of my pocket for the rest two months.

incredible india

never a country that's so rich
colors,
sounds,
smells

an honest moment

My failings come more easily to mind than my good qualities, things what wish i had more than things i'm proud of already having. Yet, i'm quite content about myself. I think of myself as a good person overall, just that i don't have any extraordinary qualities. Or am i deliberately trying to be modest, seeing already how others talking about their own good characters can turn me off?

Anyways,

• what i like about myself: being open-minded (doesn't mean non judgmental), polite, not picky/choosy.
• what i'm proud of: adapting easily, and secretly, having lived in a few places abroad (but this is more like something i'm grateful to have had a chance to do so), and being a decent being.
  
• what i'm afraid of: never find a partner (brutally honest)
• happiest moment of my life: getting a scholarship to wesleyan. i wish i had something more romantic to say. but studying abroad in the U.S. was once my big dream. and my parents were also happy for me and proud of me. Of course there are moments when i felt great about life, usually when i see something beautiful, but that's more like a feeling of serenity or humbleness.
• what i wish i had: more aptitude. i have always wished i played a sport or had some artistic talent.
  

always into the future. never stops researching for next year's internship
sometimes just want to really be here in this moment
by the way, i'm not looking into opp. in Israel/palestine. but i guess, somehow, i'll make it there. if you really want something to happen, you'll make it happen, so doesn't matter if you defer it right now, as long as you don't lose sight of it. at least that's what i tell myself.

we're different or the same?

dalits in india
hazara in afghan
Probably everywhere, people find some groups to discriminate again. And a lot of time the discriminated would just accept it that way. "The resigning eyes of a sacrificed sheep."

You know what's oft said by tourists/travelers, how children in developing countries still enjoy themselves despite all their daily (and very likely lifetime) hardship, unlike the spoilt kids in materially advanced countries like the U.S.? i wonder if that's true, that the lack of material wealth, instead of not "corrupting" them, blunt them? just see all the street kids struggling with hunger... what does it mean for them to grow up? not having the joy that's commonly associated with childhood: being free from all concerns, what's the word, carefree? and another truth is that, poor people here can get by with so little. we don't want to use the word "development," ok, but poverty is still a reality.

Just Read

One night @ the call center: mediocre, but still learn some cultural happenings among the urban Indian youth. Don't know why the author could have said that the story represented Indian youth.

The kite runner: gripping and moving, no, heart-breaking. Pretty much finished it off in one day, in 2 seatings (had to put it down to go out to dinner). Stayed up late and skipped yoga this morning. Cried for at least half of the novel. Beautifully written. Again, a story with a background of upheaval, revolution, and immigration. Fear. The worst thing that you could do to any one. That permeating fear. Don't even know if you can trust a single soul. And then another fear, the implied one. When fear has been inculcated into a culture, when kids learn violence and suspicion the moment they are born, grow up knowing only the sounds of bombs and shootings, how could they envision and aspire to something else more humane? How could they escape or kill that haunting ghost?

Interestingly, the author of one night also asks what readers fear?

And i also fear at this moment: 1 month away from the american election. Who would win? i'm even not american. But sometimes fear signals a good thing. Elections in VN, you don't even have the privilege to have fear.

"out of touch with the situation"

despite all the reading that i've done from newspapers (online and print) and economic blogs, i'm still pretty clueless as to how this economic crisis and possible collapse would affect me. A dimmer job prospective? Probably, but i've never thought it'd be easy to find one in my field anyways. And keep in mind that i'm attending [a wealthy] college in the U.S., come from a middle class family in hanoi [again, a.k.a. upper class in VN]. So while McCain may be "out of touch with the situation" of middle class America, i wonder if most of the world feel as disconnected to this big money talk as i am.