I haven't posted here for so long. Countless reasons, including:

• i went to Mumbai where i got my visa. After Mumbai, i spent most of the rest of my time in India traveling, except for a few days in Ahm' where i was busy packing, saying bye to people, etc.
  
• my Chirstmas/farewell gift from my roommate and her family was a dairy. So i had two beautiful journal notebooks (the other one is from Anna) and no reason for not using them.
• it was easier to write journal than blog when i was traveling. Internet was expensive and unreliable.
  
• once i'm back to school, i barely have time. I barely keep my journal any more, but will try to post more regularly here.

Some updates:

• THE big thing: my parents might adopt. The kid's parents passed away, but he still has 2 or 3 aunts and uncles and they haven't made up their mind yet. We don't know if they want to have someone adopt the kid or not, and if yes, whom they're gonna pick. If things go through, i'll have a brother, sort of weird 'cause i've been the younger child for already 20 years.
  
• my senior essay is going nowhere, but i've been reading a lot on Vietnam which makes me really want to go back this summer (unlike the last one), but the chance of me getting enough money to fly home is kinda slim
• so i've been thinking about going Peru. Peru because, just because. I want to pick up some Spanish, and it's fucking cheap to go there - $400 for a round trip, and i figure i can find work at hostels in exchange for room and board while hanging out there.
  
• and maybe Montreal too. Ysa was here a month ago, it was great, and she's coming down again soon and we'll spend a wk in NYC. She'll be in Montreal for the whole summer, which gets me thinking maybe i should go visit her.
• i missed the winter so much when i was in India. Now i'm absolutely sick of it, just want the spring to come, and get myself out of new england.
  

googled myself

To see how popular i am. Clearly i'm not. Only a couple of results popped up. That hurt my ego a little bit ;) but at least i don't have anything to fear for my future job apps. Anyways, i came across this photo in the Wes Connection newsletter, taken in the fall or 2005, in front of church

can't wait for it to end

I rarely ever say that i don't like something or someone and people think i'm just trying to be diplomatic. The simple truth is that i don't have the "extreme" personality. I might feel upset, disappointed, irritated or whatever, but in the end i don't hold much feeling about that person. I honestly can't think of anyone that i actively dislike [must be someone who constantly lies and cheats, and luckily i have never ran into such a person] and there are very few that i don't like, so it surprised me how much i don't like Mr. J., given that i haven't spent that much amount of time here. I can barely stand the time that i spend in his presence [or he spends in my presence]. It's all bullshit.

travel fever

sometimes it feels like a fever:
where should i go?
should i stay in Jodhpur for a couple of days before Jaisalmer or should i stop there on the way back?
which train runs there and when? what is the most convenient, time saving train connection?
will i have enough time to rest?
constantly, constantly... wishing i'd have a little more time [and money].

guilt ridden

I feel guilty about being away, leaving my parents by themselves at home. They don't need anything from me, they just need my presence.

I feel guilty about staying and traveling in this "unsafe" country. My parents get worried too much and too often.

I feel guilty about not telling them all and exactly what i do when i travel, about always toning things down so that my parents can accept them more easily.

I feel guilty 'cause despite all this feeling, i still cannot stop.

a friendly reminder to self

hey you little girl!

why are you still being so selfish? any joy that comes to any person around you should also makes you happy, no? especially when they're your friends! you know there's no reason to get envious. grow up!

the making of history

The election is today. Everyone talks about being part of history. I confess i felt jealous for not being there during this historic moment [there's another one in VN right now as well]. I also missed out Obama's speech at my school. But after all, it's not so important whether i am there or not, i'm still witnessing right now, admitted from far away. The most important question is not: were you there? Rather, it is: what did you do that moment?