I don't think i'd ever keep bird and fish. The other day, i was watching the fish tank and saw this fish that kept pushing itself to the glass. Of course it's impossible to know if it wanted to break out or if it was simply amusing itself. Still, even if some of them get used to their idle simple life, some others must get so bored and depressed.

why internship is great

4th day in A'bad and 3rd day in the office and a few important things that I realized some time before are reinforced:

- sitting at one place makes me feel restless, gluing my eyes to the computer exhausts me physically and mentally (wonder how computer engineers can cope with that exhaustion). Pacing around the office space is not enough to unleash my energy. I don't think I'd be able to content myself with a 9-5 office job.

- i CANNOT stay with someone 24/7, unless said person gives me some reasonable personal space, i.e. doesn't require me to communicate and to be present with him all the time, i can choose when i want to talk or listen.

- i don't really talk about what i've accomplished, or for that matter, merely what i've done in my life, to people that i don't know well. Yes, i can chit chat and drop in some details from time to time to build up the rapport and confidence, but no more. And I welcome people to confide in me, it makes for easy conversation, and I do think of myself as a sympathetic (and sometimes even empathetic) listener, but no more than that! Incessant talking kills all the fun in verbal exchange, especially when i'm NOT asking any questions. It tires and bores me. And if it revolves mainly around personal achievements, it breeds nothing but the reverse effect on me because I've grown more and more allergic/aversed to anything akin to a personality cult.

- i need a supporting work environment, which fortunately i'm having, and which includes: friendly coworkers, and supervisors who guide, not dictate or impose on me.

- diversity in my activities is one of my existential needs; i have to split myself up; i am simply not able to get consumed in one single thing

- pros and cons of working with people whose mother tongue I don't understand (will expand on this regarding traveling): people's amusement with me trying to learn a few Hindi phrases, their eagerness (and mine) to overcome our different accents, etc. The other side of it is that it's unlikely that i'll develop any deep relationship with my coworkers, with language being such an essential part in the way i communicate with the world. I don't really know what's going on in the office, the dynamics, the talk, the argument and conflict (if they do exist) and how they're resolved. I'd want to learn not only professional, but also relationship skills. For that reason, I'm distancing myself from the search of an internship next summer in some place like Japan. My Japanese has degraded rapidly, in an out of control manner and it'd take a lot of time to rebuff it.

Just read: The Inheritance of Loss

a novel exploring extremely complex and intertwined issues: interethnic relationship, nationalism, immigration, uprising, globalization, the making of history, etc. in a series of everyday stories. It seems straightforward enough, but the perspicacity could hardly come from someone who hasn't spent time in another part of the world, seeing another angle of the apple. Immigrants, or just people who move in general, do have that opportunity of stringing together the pieces.

In light of the ongoing Jammu-Kashmir upheaval and the Georgia-South Ossetia controversial break, it brought back the questions that I've stuck with for a long time: How can you know that your acts are of your true desire and not of a mob mentality? That they are a dedication to the cause and not an abuse of the cause? When you've already been part of the whirlwind, how can you cut yourself off, take a step aside to see which way it's going? What's the difference between a personal revenge and a public punishment? Can either be justified?

just browsed through Lev's blog on his travels to Palestine/Israel this past summer. Emotions stirred up again.

the Kolkata experience

- The second time that everyone around me is eyeing me without discreet because of my physical difference. The first time was in Algeria. Except that this time the boys aren't murmuring or screaming "Chinoise" to my face. And except that this time sellers and service workers of all types are trying to get more rupees out of me. Uhm, I'm probably biased. They try to do that to everyone inexperienced, Indians and non-Indians alike.

- Surprisingly low number of non South Asians on the street. First count: first day, 2 East Asian looking persons. Second count: second day, while roaming around the downtown area, some East Asians, some whites.

- Rickshaw, bus, tram, metro, auto, auto, rickshaw: that's how i got around the first day. I think i've put my butt on every single kind of public transport here. And one reason why you shouldn't expose too much of your flesh here is that it IS crowded, well except on the rickshaw.

In one of these auto-rickshaws, about 1.2 m in width, I once found myself with 1 high school boy plus 5 full-sized Indian adults, by which I mean people whose body girth is 1.5 to 2.5 times bigger than mine.

- Coming here after having retrained myself in Vietnam for + 2 months, I was still in total shock at the driving mentality. Autos dodge to the right, sway back to the left. The drivers here can certainly compete with their Algerian or Vietnamese counterparts; and I suspect that they'd win. Sometimes you find, only a few meters in front of your auto, hundreds of vehicles all rushing toward you. Another time, the back edge of a huge bus only half a span from your thigh.
Another scenario: inside a tunnel, cramped with cars and autos and buses, all within a few milimeters from each other, ALL HONKING, for no reasons, just like a fashion thing to do.

i cried on the plane, not because i was homesick or anything, but i just felt bad for my parents.
...
arrived in Kolkata
and it doesn't take long to shine on me again why i love going abroad so much. the people, the food, histories and stories.

not much of a TV person, but 2 shows that i'd love to go see live:
Taratata
and of course
The Colbert Report



God, he's so sexy! xox